To the lady ashamed of being pregnant with her fourth

I met you in the elevator on my way back from the pediatrician’s office. It was just me and Wren, and you looked at her fondly in her stroller. When the elevator doors opened, you very kindly held the doors open for me. As I clumsily maneuvered the stroller past you, I accidentally ran over your foot. “Don’t worry about it,” you assured me over my profuse apologies. “I have three children myself,” you revealed to me. My eyes traveled to your big belly. There was an awkward pause as I wondered if I could assume you were pregnant. “And I’m expecting my fourth,” you admitted. “Congratulations!,” I tell you. “That is wonderful!” I see the relief spread across your face. “Thank you!” you say, and I could tell you meant it. “You have no idea how many people offer their condolences when they find out this is my fourth. Or they ask me if this was planned.” “How rude of them,” I reply. “All children are a blessing.”

As we parted ways, I felt an immense sorrow for what our society has become. When did having a large family become equivalent to a tragic event? Why do people think that seeing a mother with lots of children automatically entitle them to make rude comments concerning her family planning? Countless strangers in grocery stores have seen me with my three little ones and impertinently asked me how many children I was planning on having. I don’t know, person I have never met before. Tell you what, how about next week I will bring my husband here and all three of us will discuss our family planning and come up with a number you find suitable. Or figure out which ones to eliminate if you feel I have too many already. But honestly, the only answer for the impertinent question of how many children I am going to have is: all of them.

And why are people so obsessed with whether a pregnancy is “planned” or not? Does the child from a “planned” pregnancy have more value than the child of an “unplanned” pregnancy? As to the answer to this other impertinent question, my only answer is: yes, God planned for this child from time immemorial, and I will do my best with this life that is entrusted to me.

There seems to be some unspoken rule that you are only allowed to have two children: one girl and one boy, about 2-5 years apart. If you mess up and fail to meet the gender quota of one of each, you are permitted to go out on a limb and have a third. However, you will risk endless ridicule from strangers if you really mess up and end up with (God forbid ) THREE of the same gender. I have never understood this stock portfolio approach to child bearing. If you are looking for variety, you get plenty of that within the same gender, trust me. Besides, I hate to point out the obvious, but no matter what you plan on having, you get what you get. As much as we want to, we can’t control everything. Especially when it comes to child bearing. I’m ok with that mostly because I’m religious, but I’m digressing from the point of this post.

I have three girls who are each about a year apart. This, for some reason, makes people feel uncomfortable. They are constantly trying to rationalize my unconscionable decision to have that many children so close in age with either: 1) that we kept unsuccessfully trying for a boy, or 2) we are “getting it out of the way quickly”. To be honest, I don’t even know what # 2 means. We’re having children, not going in for a root canal. I have stopped even trying to explain to people that no, we just like having children. That just doesn’t compute. Who would have three children close together ON PURPOSE? Because, I mean, isn’t it difficult? And so not worth it? Maybe if I told them I am a rebel who is swimming against the stream I will garner more support. Being rebellious is always cool, right?

Benjamin Franklin was one of ten children (UPDATE: a kind reader has informed me that he was actually the youngest of seventeen!) Beethoven was one of seven, and JFK was one of nine! Every child has the potential to do something great in the world. So please, give the mother of these children the support and encouragement she needs whether it is her first child or her ninth. Because your last child deserves just as much excitement as your first.

And to the lady in the elevator, a thousand times congrats. You are truly blessed.

20140530-231903-83943654.jpg

Advertisements

About sylcell

Wife, mom of four girls, Catholic, insatiable sweet tooth
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1,873 Responses to To the lady ashamed of being pregnant with her fourth

  1. Caitlin says:

    I am a mother to 2 girls. They are 21 months apart. When my oldest was 14 months and we told everyone I was pregnant they acted as if I got pregnant again the second my oldest was out of the womb. I think their age gap is perfect. I get asked often “are you gonna try for that boy!?” As if my two girls are a bad thing. In my eyes that saves me money! They can practically share clothes and toys. I would absolutely love a boy. But if I were to get pregnant and have another girl. I am just as happy with that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: LAF/Beautiful Womanhood » Mommy Trenches: To the Lady Ashamed of Being Pregnant with Her Fourth

  3. Tiffany Desormeaux says:

    A friend just sent me this blog and I love it!! I know the feeling of getting those awkward questions by strangers I’m a mommy of 4 BOYS!! Lol!! And when people find out I have 4 boys and NO girls they have this look on their face its just hard to explain and the. I get “oh Hunni I feel sorry for you” ” don’t you know they will eat you out of house and home” “a mom of boys is not for the faint of heart” & my all time favorite “are you going to try for your girl?” And when I answer NO we’re happy with our 4 boys it’s like I’m cursing them out or something or I just said the most nasty thing in the world the look on their face is almost like they are applaud that I would not want to have a daughter!! If they only knew deep down in my heart I want a daughter more than any one will know but it’s not in our book to have one of our own we do plan on adopting a baby girl one day!!! Then the question oh how old are they and giggle when they ask this question bc I know what comes after I say third ages ” right now they are 8,6,4,&2″ and then those lovely questions start again ” we’re they planned that way” “do yall own a tv” “how could you find time for sex with so many kids in the house” that one freaks me out every time like I dare you ask about my personal life with my husband! And all 4 of my boys look alike but are diffrent I wish I could share a photo with you of my beautiful family!! My oldest has brown hair blue eyes fair completed my 2nd son has black hair dark brown eyes and a natural tan all year round my 3rd son has light brown hair and green eyes with a slight tan and my 4th the real ODD ball as ppl call him he has Blonde hair and crystal blue eyes and white as they come!! And I’ve been asked a few times if they all have the same dad!! The last time I was asked I checked myself to make sure I was not dressed like a street walker or something Lol!! And politely answers each time yes they ALL have the same dad we have been together x amount of years I DO NOT belive in cheating my heart and body goes to him and my children that’s all and at that point I walk away bc in scared I might hit someone if they ask another question like that!!

    SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG POST!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • sylcell says:

      I’d love to see a picture of your beautiful family! Post it on my Facebook page’s wall!

      Like

    • Rebecca says:

      Mom of 4 boys here as well and I’m so blessed my dear friend Brittany shared this blog post with me. We are 16 weeks along, exoecting our 5th blessing, and I haven’t even announced it on FB yet. Just not ready for the bombardment. I’m not hoping for a girl, and yes we know how babies are made 😂. God bless you mamas.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. K says:

    So good to hear of other people on the same page as me and my husband!
    -a catholic, stay at home mom, pregnant with my fourth boy!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: No I’m not trying for a (insert gender here). Please stop asking. | Tales from the Mommy Trenches

  6. Heather says:

    I am a mother of five children, ranging in age from 2 to 17. We are far from wealthy. We live on a very tight budget so that I can stay home and homeschool our kids. We are a crazy, messy, loud, fun bunch and I can’t imagine life any other way. I have friends with one child and friends with 10, 12, 14 children. Some people love the daily insanity. Some people don’t. Some people would love to have more but can’t. Some people struggle to have any at all. It’s such a personal decision and like you, I find it kind of insane that other people think it’s any of their business at all. Thank you for writing this!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Rebecca says:

    I believe everone has their number. me personally I only have one that’s all I ever thought of having since I was a child. someone like my mother on the other hand has three biological and is adopting 2 younger boys. Ages 38, 33, 18, 10 and the youngest is 7. Wow I know big jump. The best example is my neighbor she just had her eight child in mid-december. They are the best neighbors anyone could ever ask for. Their children are all extremely well behaved, courteous and very loving to my 4 year old. I couldn’t imagine them with a smaller family in many ways she inspires me her husband works and she stays at home. On top of that she home schools ALL of her children. It sickens me how people think they have the right to judge others and be downright rude to them for a decision that in no way affects or involves them. After all it use to be extremely common people to have large families.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. shmiggen says:

    For myself, this all depends on your finances. An average woman would go berzerk by having four kids. An independently wealthy woman could pull it off. People are greedy because they are human. An average woman with four kids would have to surrender her career, which, by the message I am getting from women, is non-negotiable. Careers fulfill women, now. They just do. Children do also, but only negligibly. It just is. Is that bad? Who can answer that? I can only relay the message I am getting from most women.

    Like

    • sylcell says:

      I don’t know who this “average woman” is you keep speaking of, but she seems to be a bleak character. You are CLEARLY not a mother, and probably shouldn’t speak for them. I am a woman, and a mother of four, and a member of the Bar. I also left my career as an attorney to stay at home with my four children and am neither berzerk (at least I never been compared to a crazy Norse warrior to my knowledge), nor independently wealthy, nor unfulfilled. Quite the contrary. I have never felt more fulfilled in a vocation. Careers fulfill men. Most women (with exceptions, of course, everybody is different) would rather be at home with their children.

      Liked by 1 person

      • shmiggen says:

        I hope I didn’t sound rude and I apologize if I did. You are, at least to me, an exceptional woman, and a person most men would be lucky to have as a partner. I am a man and I was only trying to relay the message I am hearing from women. For some reason (and it is an historical anomaly) most women today put children far down on their list. A distant third or fourth to education, travel, sex and careers. Or am I out of touch?

        Liked by 1 person

      • sylcell says:

        No need for apologies! It is a common misconception, and as you can see, it frustrates the heck out of me. I don’t know. I can only speak for myself. I think here in the States, a little less than half of all women stay at home with their children, but the numbers of women staying at home are on the rise. (And I think there are so many single moms now, it skews the stats since they have no option but to work). It could be the community I am in, but most women with graduate degrees seem to stay at home and are happy to do so. Then, there are moms who are compelled to work and are desperate to be at home with their babies, but can’t afford it. And then there are career women who love working outside the home and would rather not be in the house with their children all the time. But again, my (unfounded) opinion is that they are by no means in the majority. I just hate the assumption since the feminist movement that ALL women want to have careers and any woman staying at home with her kids is clearly backwards and oppressed. It is patently ridiculous, insulting, and untrue. Our children are our future and raising them is the most important thing I will ever do. And the assumption since the rise of contraception that children are a burden, a money pit, and merely a distraction from a woman’s true calling in life is equally loathsome to me. They are a joy, a wonder, and each one is just as marvelous as the last, no matter what you were expecting. Hm, this has turned into a lengthy tome of a comment. I think you have inspired me for a new post! Haha, thank you.

        Like

      • morgan says:

        Wasn’t the feminist movement to give us women the CHANCE to CHOOSE? Career or family or even both?

        That “careers fulfill men” comment is just not true. My husband is suffering from the fact that he’s not able to spend more time with his kids (won’t go into the details. Let’s just say: it’s complicated and we are trying to change that). And I know some other guys that rather spend more time with their kids than chase the next career step they might or might not catch… (but they lose on seeing their kids grow)

        Like

      • sylcell says:

        I think that is most certainly the original intent of the feminist movement. And I think it is a wonderful thing for a woman to be able to have any career she chooses (I am benefitting from it in that I am an attorney, after all). However, I think one of the oft ignored negative aspects of the feminist movement is that suddenly being a SAHM is looked down upon. I have gotten more comments that I am “wasting my degree” or “unfulfilled” or the dire warnings that I am going to go crazy and return to work as soon as my children are no longer babies, etc. They are silly stereotypes, and from my experience (my own and several other moms with graduate degrees) it couldn’t be further from the truth. But I suppose these sorts of preconceived notions are human nature and impossible to avoid one way or the other. As to “careers fulfilling men,” I was trying to convey that a man saying that ONLY a career can fulfill a woman is merely reflecting his own views on having a career on mothers, without knowing anything about their perspective. (Although admittedly I conveyed it badly, but I was trying to keep my response as brief as possible). Naturally, fathers want to be with their families as much as possible also. And some fathers would rather be a stay at home dad than a career man. We are fortunate in that daddy gets to spend evenings and weekends at home and soak up baby time, but also enjoys being an attorney (and is good at it!) Not all attorneys get to spend as much time at home, and I don’t take it for granted. I hope your family can eventually find a good balance!

        Like

      • schnellerbauer says:

        Sorry if I was rude. Seems I misunderstood you. Again. Dang those little things that point out that I’m NOT a native speaker. Or maybe it was the sleep deprivation…
        My husband is an evening and weekend dad and although he loves it he wants to spend even more time wit his kids. Get more involved in their “daily business”. As do a lot of guys around here. I sense some change might be coming…

        Liked by 1 person

      • sylcell says:

        No, I am sure the fault was mine. The more passionate I am about something, the less articulate I become. Whoops! And you actually gave rise to a really interesting conversation with my husband. I had never vetted his feelings about his job vs. time with the kids, and I found out a lot of things that I had no idea about. Apparently, he feels more fulfilled with his children as well. Seems pretty obvious in retrospect, but I was totally oblivious to this. He views his job as something necessary to pay for his passion, namely, his children. He said he would love to spend more time with all of the girls, but he also thoroughly enjoys having quiet time at work, LOL.

        Like

    • Rissa says:

      Sounds like you have a VERY limited circle of women that you know. It’s quite sad that you view people as universally greedy! Most families I know do whatever they can for the mom to be home with the kids. And most women I know who work would LOVE to be home with their kids instead. I do know a FEW who prefer their career but not many. After being a nanny for 30+ years, I can also tell you that a child’s happiness doesn’t require the family to be wealthy. In fact, the wealthiest families I worked for had the saddest kids because those were the families who put wealth above TIME with their children. You can not BUY love!

      Liked by 1 person

      • shmiggen says:

        It must be the media.then. If so many women desire to be stay at home Moms….why does the media represent women as ceaselessly engaged in their careers?

        Like

      • sylcell says:

        I don’t know. But if I had to venture a guess, I would say it is because the media is completely out of touch with your average middle class mother. Heck, they don’t even know what a normal Christian looks like. Just watch any movie (or TV show, for that matter) coming out of Hollywood to convince you of that (where the Christians are always either the bad guy or someone that declares himself to be “Christian” while not behaving or stating beliefs consistent with Christianity at all). In a nutshell, it is a combination of complete ignorance of the average American mother and complete devotion to a certain ideology. But again, that is my wild theory based entirely upon speculation. I encourage you to communicate with real mothers, working and “not working”, around the country, and come to your own conclusions. Drawing conclusions from media information alone will always be misleading, especially about people’s home lives.

        Like

    • alleykatt22 says:

      I am the mother of six, 18, 9, 7, 6, 5, and 3. I work full time and am the sole provider for my family. I make less then $40,000 a year. Children are only as expensive as parents make them out to be. They do not NEED designer clothing or fancy video games or television. They need love and discipline and basic necessities (food, shelter, clothing). My children have what they need. They are happy, smart, and healthy. Your post is nonsense.

      Like

  9. sympathetic says:

    I am sympathetic to how strangers comments make you feel. However, as a female non-mother, I feel a lot of people are just trying to connect with you and find some conversational common ground.

    I wouldn’t assume people are judging you, just because they ask how many children you would like or make an inane comment about how four children is a lot. I would definitely be that woman who says “oh you poor thing” even though I love the idea of having a big family. A lot of times, people are looking for a way to connect with you.

    That said, I agree with your premise that there is nothing wrong with wanting a big family.

    Like

    • sylcell says:

      I am sure you are right. And it is totally obvious when I meet people like you who are coming from a good place. Although, a woman the other day told me when I told her I was expecting my fourth that she would “kill herself.” Um, thanks?

      Like

  10. Pingback: To the lady ashamed of being pregnant with her fourth child. | Project Esther

  11. Gaye James says:

    Beautifully written. These words sum up the thoughts of this mother of 7 !! Thankyou 🙂

    Like

  12. Pingback: 12 Week Bumpdate | Tales from the Mommy Trenches

  13. beverley Baggett says:

    I just can’t help myself but to reply. Every child is from God and deserves to be born. When we start making those kind of decisions everything gets messed up. Sorry people but we are not smart enough to make those decisions. Look at India with an overpopulation of boys and China too. This best left to God cause he knows everyone before they are even born. He is the divine creator after all.

    Like

  14. Pingback: Loved this

  15. Jennifer Poole says:

    when did this happen? When the human population became too high for the Earth to sustain. That’s my answer. It’s your choice to have large families, at least I certainly believe that (and hope that it’s true for most American women these days), but I don’t see anything in the article or in the comments I’ve read acknowledging that having many children increases your footprint on the earth far more than anything else you could do. I think it’s rude to comment on people’s family choices in in person, of course. But on a discussion board? I think it’s worth pointing out that such choices could be considered to have consequences for society as a whole, not just for your own family.

    Like

    • sylcell says:

      I think it is at least worth researching how much condoms pollute our sewers and waterways. In addition, I have heard of the research being done on how the high concentrations of synthetic hormones being released into our waterways by way of the urine of women on contraception is detrimentally affecting our fish, among other things. Something to consider. But perhaps this kind of pollution is acceptable to you and your ilk. I don’t know.

      Like

    • Krissy says:

      I’ve been reading so many comments on various blogs about the earth being too populated and “thank goodness for birth control and abortion!” and I just can’t bite my tongue anymore… First point: there are whole countries, with wonderful fabulous cultures and a history of making the world a better place that are DYING out because 1.5 children became what was socially acceptable. There are countries with too many boys and others with too many girls because MAN thought he was smart enough to decide how many children and what gender could be born.

      My 2nd point: If you are so concerned with population overload, then put your money where your mouth is. If you are old enough to be posting on blogs about how humans should use birth control and have abortions (you didn’t say that but I’ve seen many who hold your beliefs say that) then you should have already contributed something great to society by now. Since there is still no cure for cancer and poverty and world hunger etc, etc, etc, why don’t you move over and give those yet unborn, the unborn that YOU don’t think worthy of life, a chance to be our next great artist, scientist, medical healer, philosopher, musician? I, on the other hand, believe that every life is precious and will contribute in ways that mere humans have never even fathomed. Let’s have them all (within the loving arms of a good marriage) and see what happens.

      Liked by 2 people

    • carnationcat says:

      Like the others who have already replied to you, I thought, “Population problem…really?” I just don’t see it. In third world countries there are many problems related to mismanagement of resources, wars, and despotic leaders, and I guess you could say if there were no people, there’d be no problem. But it’s not a lack of natural resources. We read over and over again that some of the poorest, most suffering nations have abundant resources, if they could just be used properly. In the U.S. we have murdered over 50 million children by abortion, and adding that to the way people also limit their family size, I doubt we we will ever have a “population problem.” From what I read, quite the opposite.

      To see if my perception was correct, I googled “is there really a population problem” and there are plenty of experts saying absolutely not. A lot of the results are opinions, but really…who can predict the future, with all the unexpected things that can happen? The most anyone can do is make an educated guess. But here’s a piece from a nice liberal source…from someone who believed overpopulation was a problem because it was what he’d been taught…until the evidence outweighed his beliefs: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/14/opinion/overpopulation-is-not-the-problem.html

      Here’s a quote:
      “The science of human sustenance is inherently a social science. Neither physics nor chemistry nor even biology is adequate to understand how it has been possible for one species to reshape both its own future and the destiny of an entire planet. This is the science of the Anthropocene. The idea that humans must live within the natural environmental limits of our planet denies the realities of our entire history, and most likely the future. Humans are niche creators. We transform ecosystems to sustain ourselves. This is what we do and have always done. Our planet’s human-carrying capacity emerges from the capabilities of our social systems and our technologies more than from any environmental limits.”

      I, for one, want more smart, caring people being born to ensure that the genuine problems have a greater chance of being worked out.

      Like

    • Gaye James says:

      Actually, NO, it wasn’t worth pointing out. Leftist alarmist material might better be suited in a blog titled “I’m having my fourth abortion” God is sovereign over all of the earth … let go of trying to control what you are not able to control and the fear that you display in this post will leave you.

      Like

  16. tram says:

    I think I understand your frustration. I’m from a family of 4, and myself would love to have a big family. We have one now. I want to add to this conversation that for some ‘commentators’ it’s not about the worthiness of the child or children, planned or unplanned, certainly not their ‘value’ – as if a human being can have a definite measure or weight. And it’s not about anyone’s ability to family plan. For myself, when thinking about having a larger family, I am concerned about a myriad of things – my ability to provide sufficiently for each and every child, in every way possible, financially, emotionally, beyond. And, as distant as this may sound, I also think about my impact on population growth, on this earth, on natural resources and otherwise. Those are things I think about for myself. When others make the decision to have a larger family, it’s not my business.

    Like

  17. Pingback: Tales from the Mommy Trenches |

  18. Pingback: We’re Adding To Our Family! « Our Eternal Treasures

  19. Pingback: Kids and the question of 'How many are you having?' | Live Action News

  20. kay says:

    I actually have five kids n sometimes hide o try to hold back d tears wen pple make such remarks……this made me feel relief to know I actually have pple on my side

    Like

  21. Christina says:

    People do the same when they find out that you had a child at a young age. I had my first at 17, senior in high school. People assume they can get all up in anyone else’s business just because they want to and its BS. SO: Yes I was too young, no it wasn’t planned and don’t thank me for “sticking around and raising her and not partying” when its my job and why would I do anything else but raise her and love her.

    Like

  22. Pingback: Just Because You’re Offended Does Not Mean You’re Right … » Kellogg Show

  23. Pingback: Being "Enough", Trusting God, Children and Marriage {A Food for Thought Round-Up} | Simplemama

  24. Annie Rocco says:

    What a beautifully written article! May God bless you with abundant graces for embracing the beauty of motherhood and for being the bearer of His Love to your little girls! There are not enough words to express how much your words have touched me. With your permission, I would love to publish your article in our church’s Sunday bulletin. Please continue to be an inspiration to other women regarding motherhood. In this day and age when couples are mostly preoccupied with material possessions and living a child-free lifestyle, we are called to remind them what a wonderful privilege it is to be entrusted with God’s most precious gifts: His little children!

    “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5)

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Rebecca says:

    As a mother of 6 children with 2 more in heaven, I really enjoyed your thoughts! I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters, my mother was always talking about how the zero population people would be so upset if they saw our family! I always prayed I, too, could have a large family and feel very blessed to have so many children. At least these days media often portrays larger families in a positive light. 🙂

    Like

  26. Wayne says:

    I have a similar story. I fathered two, then blended in three more, and after all were raised ended up remarrying have two more, both girls. that makes seven. i thought I was crazy for having the 1st at 57 but not so when we had her sister at 59. They have filled my heart so full of love for them and it is returned ten fold. And I get the same kind of criticism, but it goes along one of two lines, either I am a dirty old man dating a younger woman with kids. or I am their Grandfather. For the latter I proudly say I am their father, and they give me the look. Now I am often audicious of my family. When I was asked to introduce myself in a different way I said we just had a baby girl who has a 20 year old niece. Now I am waiting to use a new line. That same daughter now has a six month old grand niece, my great grand daughter.
    But I did miss my life goal, I always said I wanted a baseball team

    Like

  27. Wayne says:

    Motherhood is the divine right of humanity. Be the mother of a nation should you choose. Family is what is is all about. It is the foundation of community that is the foundation of societies. The family is needed to develop the character strength needed to be a parent and spouse. And that character is is selfless.
    By the way I think I know the answer to your question. It was the same day people started having pets instead of children. We have a facility in town called the SPCA, that processed over 13000 pets last year. Thank God those same people are not having kids, but poor pets

    Like

  28. Sonia says:

    We just found out we are pregnant with our planned fourth and final. We have three boys 🙂 I am of the thought that no one should make anyone feel like less for the amount of kids they have whether it’s none or ten. As long as you’re being responsible and they’re happy and healthy people should butt out.

    Like

  29. Mom4 says:

    I love this article! I have 4 and would have had more if not for health issues and my husband putting his foot down! Only 1 girl, and everyone says “well at least you got your girl!” I love all my kids, and I take the remarks and joke back with people! What else can we do really?

    We have to give up a lot for a large family. But we know that our family is a blessing that we are willing to give up anything for!

    God knows what we can handle, He knows what we nee., I am still sad at times because I didn’t have more but I know that He has a plan and a reason for it.

    Like

  30. You touched on things I deal with constantly. I have 6 daughters. Age range from 9yrs to twins just turning one. I also have an almost 8 yr old 5 yr old and 2 years. It is a struggle to be what I need to be for all of them all the time but Ilove them dearly. Ive gotten just about every question about how many am I gonna have, am I still trying for a boy? Am I done? Did I get my tubes tied on and on. Its truly sad how so many people are just not interested in investing the time love and resources it takes to have more than a couple kids. They also assume if you are a stay at home mom you are uneducated because you dont have a career. I am fairly educated and there is no career out there that will ever be as rewarding and hard and important as raising children. Its the most thankless job ever. My husbands mother is from a family of 10 kids and he has brothers and sister most of who have 5 or 6 kids as well. My parents came from familis of seven kids. Togethe my parents only had 3 kids but I’m sure my mom would have had more kids if she hadn’t had so many dangerous complications with us. My mom sent me a letter recently as she usually does, however this time she wrote and thanked us for being so willing to have a good size family when now days so many people dont . Cherish every child and dont ever feel ashamed of the size of your family, its yours and you are the one will love a care for them so dont worry about what others think.

    Like

    • Carrie says:

      You cant say that people are not interested in investing the time love and resources it takes to have more then a couple kids. That is insensitive. I am the mother the only child and it very rude of you to assume that I don’t have more because I don’t want to. I don’t have more then one for couple reasons. One it puts my health at risk to try again and two we cant support more than one child. At least I am being responsible by not bringing a child into the world that I cant take care of.

      Like

      • amandamadeja says:

        I completely agree with you. The statement is rude and judgemental. Her saying that it’s “sad” that people don’t invest the time, resources and love to have larger feelings puts her in the same class as people judging couples who have large families.

        Like

  31. Pingback: If you don’t have something nice to say… Or better yet, is “Nice” actually nice? | Creativity and Chaos

  32. Pingback: Smile—you’re pregnant, again!

  33. Pingback: How Fear, Not Prayer, Led Us to Choose Sterilization… and Regret It | BCNN1 – Black Christian News Network

  34. Pingback: How Fear, Not Prayer, Led Us to Choose Sterilization… and Regret It | BCNN1 WP

  35. Barbara says:

    We have four girls. We would attract stares in restaurants. Then people find out two of my girls are twins. They agree you can’t plan on twins. And yes I have had the condolences response when people find you are pregnant with twins. Twins are incredibly fun and a true blessing even when they both are 15. Trust me on this. People are insensitive and rude to mothers of twins no matter how many other children they have….

    Like

  36. Christine says:

    I agree wholeheartedly – children truly are a gift of God! I have spent much time with mothers of large families and I know that they are the target of rude comments and judgement from those in society who value pretty much anything above motherhood. I want to say to these moms- I’m sorry this happens to you. When I see you, I admire you – and envy you.

    As woman who desperately wanted many children and, for health reasons, could not, I would like to ask moms of large families to also please be sensitive. You never know the reasons why a woman has only 1 or 2 children ( or none). Questions such as, “Did you ever consider having a large family?” Or “Did your career keep you from having more?” Or – the worst, the judgmental statement /question “You know, children really are a blessing from God, do you think you might ever consider having more? Or, “It really is a joy and you can afford more than you think, if you’re willing to adapt your lifestyle”

    These questions/comments tear at my heart me every time I hear them – even today (my children are grown now). Maybe you don’t realize, but your comments can open up memories of disappointment, pain, grief- it’s a heart breaking experience to be told by a doctor that you must have surgery and lose all chance of ever having children again. I cried off and on for years!

    So, let’s encourage women to be sensitive to all women. Let’s encourage women to refrain from judging any woman in this area of life. Like others have said, God is in charge and we all must trust Him with the size of our families.

    Like

  37. Emily says:

    Love this. So well said. As the Mom to twins(yes from IVF) people are shocked to learn we are open to more kids. We had planned to have atleast 4, but due to infertility that plan had to change. There is no magic number for many people!

    Like

  38. Denise says:

    I am grateful to live in a country where my husband and I may choose the size of our family, how we will worship and what we will teach them, Thank you men and women whose efforts defend these freedoms.

    Like

  39. People should have as many kids as they feel comfortable with. With my husband and I, we only have one and she will probably be our only one and I get asked all the time, “When is the next one coming?” When I explain to them that we don’t plan on having anymore (of course if we “accidentally” have another one, we would be excited) they look at me, like, YOU DON’T LIKE CHILDREN. HOW DARE YOU. It’s not that we don’t like children, it’s just one gives us everything we need.

    Like

  40. Stephanie says:

    I am the eldest of 4. We have a variety of ages (25, 23, 17 and 9). I absolutely wouldn’t wish to change it at all! I loved coming from a larger family. It’s fun and rewarding. I despised the looks my mother recieved from people when my mother was pregnant with my youngest sibling. The stares, the condolences, the ridiculing questions. Who’s business is it? No ones. I was 15 when she was born. And it was great! As long as your children are properly taken care of and nutured, I personally don’t care how many you have. Each child is different, and should be considered a blessing.

    Like

  41. Amen! I know exactly how that mom felt/feels in the elevator. I have 5 with baby #6 due in July. We cannot go anywhere without comments and/or stares. I have children, not aliens!

    Like

  42. Pingback: How is everyone doing? - Mothering Forums

  43. I’m pregnant with my seventh and I think I must be quite fortunate because I’ve had nothing other than positive comments but on the other hand there have been a lot of funny looks we’ve received when we all go out together. I love having a large family, obviously, or I wouldn’t keep having more babies. Everyone has their own lives to lead, we should not criticize others.

    Like

    • Emily says:

      Congrats! I’m expecting my 8th. I also haven’t heard many negative comments, but I do get lots of stares when I take them all shopping. It probably doesn’t help that they are all very close in age (our oldest is 9). Once when we went to the zoo someone pointed to our family and commented on how a fieldtrip group could look so alike. 😉

      Every child is a blessing, and deserves to be loved. I personally love large families (I’m also the oldest of 7), in spite of the hardships, but smaller families have their own pros and cons.

      Like

    • Exactly. People should have as many kids as they feel comfortable with. With my husband and I, we only have one and she will probably be our only one and I get asked all the time, “When is the next one coming?” When I explain to them that we don’t plan on having anymore (of course if we “accidentally” have another one, we would be excited) they look at me, like, YOU DON’T LIKE CHILDREN. HOW DARE YOU. It’s not that we don’t like children, it’s just one gives us everything we need.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s