We who are
defective unfortunate enough to have all children of one sex know the all too common scenario:
Stranger walks up to you when you are out and about with your children and decides to strike up a conversation.
Stranger: “ALL girls?”
Stranger: “Poor dad.”
Me: “He is actually pretty fond of them.”
Stranger: “Are you going to try for a boy?”
Me: Dagger eyes. “Um, I don’t know. We might try for a nanny.”
I touched on this in this post of course, but I feel like it is a topic that deserves its own post. In this brave new world of gender equality, why are we so obsessed with gender when it comes to having children? We act like having a child is like going to the child store and picking something out. “Well, I would go for the girl model, but we already have one of those. Why don’t we try a boy model this time? That will be fun!”
And please, please do not say anything to the tune of “couldn’t get that boy, huh?” in front of my children. They are human beings with feelings, and I don’t want them to feel like they were merely incidentals on our quest to have a child of a different gender.
I love all of my children just the way they are, and am in no way disappointed that they are not boys. Sure, it would be great to have a boy and he and my husband could bond and do boy stuff together, but a lot of things in my life could have gone differently and would have also been great. Neither my husband nor I stay up at night mourning the lack of existence of boy children in our house. We are not trying to create a royal dynasty, save the Bass name, and in our wonderful country women can inherit everything that men can. There is no pressing reason for us to have a boy, so we don’t agonize over it.
I know the people who say this to me are just making conversation and are not trying to offend. This isn’t a post meant to condemn those people as bad people. I honestly think that they have no idea how exasperating that question is. So, now you know. It is so exasperating. We don’t think there is anything wrong with having all girls or boys, and you’re making us second guess that. You’re making us feel like we should feel more incomplete without a child of a different gender. But no matter how many times we get that question and second guess ourselves, we always arrive at the conclusion that we don’t feel incomplete. At all.
So, just to go ahead and preempt that question, NO, we are not trying for a boy. Not now and not ever. We try for babies and are always grateful when we end up with another one. If someday we end up with a boy, then it will be marvelous and just what we wanted! And if we end up with all girls it will be . . . . . . wait for it . . . . marvelous and just what we wanted! (I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming).