No, I’m not trying for a (insert gender here). Please stop asking.

We who are defective unfortunate enough to have all children of one sex know the all too common scenario:

Stranger walks up to you when you are out and about with your children and decides to strike up a conversation.

Stranger: “ALL girls?”

Me: “Yes.”

Stranger: “Poor dad.”

Me: “He is actually pretty fond of them.”

Stranger: “Are you going to try for a boy?”

Me: Dagger eyes. “Um, I don’t know. We might try for a nanny.

I touched on this in this post of course, but I feel like it is a topic that deserves its own post. In this brave new world of gender equality, why are we so obsessed with gender when it comes to having children? We act like having a child is like going to the child store and picking something out. “Well, I would go for the girl model, but we already have one of those. Why don’t we try a boy model this time? That will be fun!” 

And please, please do not say anything to the tune of “couldn’t get that boy, huh?” in front of my children. They are human beings with feelings, and I don’t want them to feel like they were merely incidentals on our quest to have a child of a different gender. 

I love all of my children just the way they are, and am in no way disappointed that they are not boys. Sure, it would be great to have a boy and he and my husband could bond and do boy stuff together, but a lot of things in my life could have gone differently and would have also been great. Neither my husband nor I stay up at night mourning the lack of existence of boy children in our house. We are not trying to create a royal dynasty, save the Bass name, and in our wonderful country women can inherit everything that men can. There is no pressing reason for us to have a boy, so we don’t agonize over it. 

I know the people who say this to me are just making conversation and are not trying to offend. This isn’t a post meant to condemn those people as bad people. I honestly think that they have no idea how exasperating that question is. So, now you know. It is so exasperating. We don’t think there is anything wrong with having all girls or boys, and you’re making us second guess that. You’re making us feel like we should feel more incomplete without a child of a different gender. But no matter how many times we get that question and second guess ourselves, we always arrive at the conclusion that we don’t feel incomplete. At all.

So, just to go ahead and preempt that question, NO, we are not trying for a boy. Not now and not ever. We try for babies and are always grateful when we end up with another one. If someday we end up with a boy, then it will be marvelous and just what we wanted! And if we end up with all girls it will be . . . . . .  wait for it . . . . marvelous and just what we wanted! (I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming). 

 

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About sylcell

Wife, mom of four girls, Catholic, insatiable sweet tooth
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24 Responses to No, I’m not trying for a (insert gender here). Please stop asking.

  1. Adrienne says:

    I just gave birth a month ago to baby girl number five… People still tell me “don’t worry, the next one will be a boy..” or “wow! Five girls!! We’re you trying for a boy?” No. We are happy to have five healthy and energetic children who all happen to be girls. In fact, I was relieved to find out that this last one was a girl because at this point a boy would mean totally starting over. We love our girls and my husband wouldn’t have it any other way! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • sylcell says:

      Right? Now I get anxiety with my pregnancies because I’m all, if it’s a boy, I’m going to have to completely change my diaper changing routine! πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Like

      • Adrienne says:

        We seriously wouldn’t know what to do with a boy!! I don’t have any brothers, so it’s completely uncharted territory for me. Good thing I’m married to a wonderful, Godly man who will help and encourage!! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Courtney says:

    gosh, I love you! our “set” would have been complete with the first two born. Dave’s own dad asked us “so you’ve got your boy and you’ve got your girl. you must be done now?” (12 years ago) I wouldn’t change one thing about our family or yours. I was the oldest of four girls. we ran our town! πŸ˜‰ and by all means, have a bajillion (healthy) babies!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • sylcell says:

      I love raising my Little Women;) And we’re open to whatever God sends our way! And I’m glad you guys kept going. My life would be incomplete without those precious pictures of your younger ones as well! 😜 And I love you tooooooooo!

      Like

  3. morgan says:

    I wonder if and when someone might come up with something really new. He / she should definitely get a prize for that….
    A friend of mine was over the top happy when she finally was able to conceive a sibling for her daughter – who turned out to be a sister (only a week older than my youngest). The most stupid comment she got was from someone telling her about a fellow mom who was pregnant the same time as us, that said mom “did everything right, she got her daughter a brother (or a sister for her son, I don’t remember), so she’s got a pair now”. W.T.F.
    I get enough comments why I got a third one after already having a boy and a girl. Sometimes I just answer “because I’m crazy”.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am the oldest of 6 – 4 girls & then 2 boys. What I remember the most is when my parents had their second boy (my youngest brother) people would say “Oh, THANK GOODNESS Caleb finally has a brother.” Like his 4 sisters were completely inadequate and if not for Rob he would be doomed to a life of dresses & makeup (for the record, we still forced him – pleasantly, haha – to wear dresses and makeup).

    Now I have one girl and when people ask what I “want next” I usually say “Another girl! At least we can re-use all the stuff.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • sylcell says:

      It is SO NICE to be able to reuse all the stuff. Although my main spending weakness is girl clothing and it really takes away my excuse for buying it unless it is the wrong season or has holes in it. 😱 A person who will remain anonymous once said to me, “I don’t see what is so great about brothers anyway. I had one, and he was a son of a b****!” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ But seriously, there are worse handicaps in life than not having brothers or sisters. Siblings, in general, are wonderful! Boys or girls.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ashley P says:

    I found this and thought about you from our last conversation….

    πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A baby is an amazing blessing. I heard all the comments after having two boys and getting pregnant again. Having two boys was amazing. Having two boys and one girl was amazing. Having two boys and two girls is amazing. I grew up an only girl with four brothers and I loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. prayingformyrainbow says:

    I used to get this all the time. I was a mom of 3 girls. It was special in a way to have all of one gender. But then my youngest daughter died of SIDS. Just this year I gave birth to my fourth child. When pregnant people would ask the same thing, “what genders do you have at home”, and when we found out shockingly that it was a boy, ” oh exciting you finally got your boy ” all we care is that the baby lives this time, not the gender.

    Liked by 1 person

    • sylcell says:

      I am so sorry for your loss. Blessings on you and your family. I am the oldest of three girls and a boy. It doesn’t get any easier when you do get a different gender because everyone used to feel so sorry for my little brother not having any brothers and so many sisters. Sheesh.

      Like

  8. beverley Baggett says:

    It is so nice to hear that you feel the way you do. I wish more people would feel that way. Some people even abort cause it is not the right sex. You are so refreshing!! All your girls are so beautiful and girls need a daddy that dotes on them. So, your husband is wonderful too!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • sylcell says:

      When I think of China and how many baby girls have been slaughtered, it makes me sick, it is so horrific. But, thank you. I love my girls. God knew what he was doing when he sent them to us;)

      Like

  9. Ashley P says:

    It doesn’t matter what you have…. The comments never cease to end. We have a boy and a girl. Due for our third in two weeks. We chose to keep the gender a surprise this time so that delivery would be that much more exciting for us. The number one comment we always get is “oh so you’re not finding out, well you have both so it doesn’t matter what it is anyways” 😀😑
    Not to mention, that along with all the rude pregnancy comments I get… such as this one I got last Friday when picking up my husband from the air port… Security guard walks up to me and says wow either you’re having twins or you’re over due! You can imagine the look on his face when I said NEITHER! I just have very large babies! He couldn’t say anything besides good luck and walked away looking embarrassed.

    Anyways, I know a lot of faithful people read this blog and now I would just like to ask everyone to pray for victims and families of the movie theater shooting in Lafayette, LA. 20 minutes from my home, the theater that everyone around here goes to…. At a loss for words!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. katylady says:

    I really sympathize with you. We got “poor brother” comments growing up (1 boy, 4 girls)–and now people say it about our baby boy. He’s lucky to have two doting big sisters! Ug. I am so touchy about anyone (including family) making “funny” comments about my kids…tonight, it was a close relative saying our second daughter “never misses a mealtime” because she helped herself into her chair–what he meant was, she’s a different (rounder) body type to her slender big sister. I could’ve punched him. Actually, she’s two and wants to do everything herself, and was trying to show she could get up on her own! She’s the target of a lot of negative comments from the in-laws, because she is more adventurous…but she’s not a “tomboy,” or a “baby elephant.” She is my beautiful daughter and don’t you dare say otherwise! *rant over*

    Liked by 2 people

    • sylcell says:

      That would make me CRAZY! At 2, they are listening to everything adults say and internalizing it. That is really unfair to her to be saying potentially negative things about her. I don’t blame you for being upset about it one bit!

      Liked by 1 person

      • katylady says:

        You are so right, they soak up everything you say…no worries, they move back to England in two months and then we won’t have any grandparents to complain about. πŸ˜–

        Liked by 1 person

  11. It’s irritating beyond words. Since we had 2 boys then a girl, I get a lot of “finally got that girl huh?” Um. NO. Finally got another beautiful child? YES πŸ™‚ your family is perfect and beautiful and you’re fortunate enough to know that. You rock mama (and dad behind the blog lol)!

    Liked by 2 people

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