That Time My 3 Year Old Wiped Away My Insecurities

Gosh our house smells delicious. I am never getting a fake Christmas tree. This smell makes me so happy. But I am digressing before I even start this post. Pregnant brain.

It all started when I was reading Ruth her favorite bed time book: “Madeline.” I don’t know if you are familiar with the story, but it is about a boarding school for girls in France headed by a nun, Ms. Clavel. Madeline is her most challenging little pupil, and one night Madeline has to have her appendix out. When the other little girls go to visit her at the hospital, she proudly shows them her new scar from her surgery. In the illustration, Madeline’s back is to the reader as she shows the awe-struck little girls her scar. When I got to this part in the book, I saw Ruthie closely study the illustration. She looked at me with a quizzical look on her face, and asked, “Mama, what is a scar?” I didn’t know how else to explain the concept to her, so I showed her my scar from my C sections and told her how I got it.

Now, I will be the first to admit that vanity is a shortcoming of mine. I remember the day before my scheduled C section with Ruth thinking that this was the last day my torso would be scar-less. It upset me a little bit. But I would do whatever it takes to bring my breech baby into the world safely, and really a small scar is an insignificant sacrifice. But the nagging insecurity about my new scar remained.

When I showed it to Ruthie, she gasped. I hid it once again quickly. She looked at me and said, “Mama, it is beautiful!” I was shocked and didn’t know what to say at first. “Thank you, Ruthie. That is very kind of you to say.” “When can I get a scar?”, she asked me. “I don’t know.” I told her. “Sometimes we get scars when we get hurt. I’m lucky because mine brought me my three babies!”

Tonight, I heard her proudly tell Scott that when she grows up, she is going to have a scar just like mommy.

This inspiration courtesy of my three year old comes at an opportune moment for me for a different reason as well. The thought of Wren’s scar from her possible open heart surgery makes me anxious. Will she feel self conscious about it? Ruth unknowingly brought me so much comfort in this regard. I know that both Ruth and I will assure her with utmost confidence that our scars are part of what make us beautiful. Hers will be a scar that is her badge of courage in the face of a serious heart defect. Without it, we might no longer have our sweet little bird with us. But I am being precipitate. Perhaps she won’t need open heart surgery after all? Her upcoming appointment with the cardiologist will hopefully give us more answers.

I will end this blog post with my (almost) 16 week bump.

Can you tell which child is my clingy one? That’s ok. I could hold and cuddle her all day. If only it weren’t so hard on my back! The child is pushing 35 lbs, I swear. But just look at that face!

She and her wonderful sisters were totally worth that little scar. Ruthie told me it is beautiful, and I will break down and finally believe it.


About sylcell

Wife, mom of four girls, Catholic, insatiable sweet tooth
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13 Responses to That Time My 3 Year Old Wiped Away My Insecurities

  1. mglalala says:

    She won’t remember not having the scar, so it will just be a part of her. I don’t know if you remember, but Elizabeth has a horizontal scar across her abdomen, basically the width of her body. This has never deterred her from wearing bathing suits or feeling confident. Wren will be just fine. And she’ll have a good story!


  2. It is beautiful- the way you were able to bring your little ones into the world 🙂 I know a family whose son had multiple open heart surgeries over the course of his life (only 18 now) and he’s a strong boy. Lots of prayers coming your way for good news at your appointment and for all your little ones!


  3. So precious!! Thank you for sharing!!


  4. Sara says:

    This brought a tear to my eye! Rue is such a kind and sweet soul. I feel honored to know her (and your entire family as you are a great inspiration!) Thank you for sharing!
    I didn’t get a scar from either of my babies but I have lived with one, a pretty significant one, my whole life. It used to stretch across my entire right side being that I got it at only 3 months old from kidney-removal surgery, but now it’s 7″ long and at the right angle sometimes looks like an ab line (deceptive ol’ thing). I used to be self conscious of it… mostly during my middle school years when all my girlfriends started getting boobs and bearing their tummies at the pool. My scar had no effect on my minimal cleavage but I do remember wrapping my arms around my waist some days when I’d catch someone looking at it poolside.
    Now I wear it with pride knowing that God saw fit to keep me in the world… although absent one tiny piece… and have even used it to pull a few harmless pranks on curious observers.
    “What’s your scar from?”
    “Shark attack.”
    “No, not really.”
    I constantly pray that sweet Wren won’t need open heart surgery but if she does I know that, having a mamma like you, she will learn to embrace it for what it stands for and see it for the beauty it is. She may feel self conscious, most likely during the years when she’ll be equally self conscious of her acne, pants size, and hairstyle, but she won’t forever.
    On a less mushy note, your bump is adorable and Rosie’s outstretched arms are equally as adorable as her bubble butt!


  5. What sweet girls you have. 🙂 And cute bump!!! You are making my four month post partum ovaries twitch, hehe! Just call me crazy, I suppose. 🙂


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